I told myself not to sleep, cause my dreams are always about you. I told myself to stay awake, but the thoughts in my mind are always about you, too.

I started to hate sleeping since you always come to my dreams. Not that I hate you for coming into my dreams, but I just hate the fact that I have to wake up, and realize that that was just a dream.

You were in my dream last night.

Well, why bother being a dream when you're indeed a dream for me?


"kemariiin... ku lihat awan membentuk wajahmuuu... desau angin meniupkan namamuuu... tubuhku terpakuuu. semalaaam..." sambil memetik gitarnya, dia bernyanyi. tak perduli adiknya meneriakinya. "abaaang!!!! berisik!!!"

aku yang mendengarnya melalui telefon hanya tertawa geli. tertawa karena teriakkan adiknya dan juga suara sumbangnya.

"kok ketawa sih?" protesnya. "gapapa, lucu aja," jawabku. kemudian dia lanjutkan nyanyiannya. tetap tak memperdulikan adiknya dan suara sumbangnya.

suaranya memang tak semerdu Michael Bublé atau selembut Jason Mraz, tapi aku selalu menjadi penggemar nomor satu untuk suaranya. suara yang biasa mengantarku sebelum tidur, suara yang menenangkanku saat aku menangis, suara yang menghiburku dikala jenuh.

pernah suatu kali, saat pesta ulang tahun temanku, ia menyanyi. Separuh Aku milik Noah dibawakannya malam itu. entah aku yang sedang melankolis atau apa, aku menangis. tanpa sepengetahuannya, pasti. aku tidak ingin membuatnya risih dengan kehadiranku saat itu.

suaranya biasa saja, hanya menghanyutkan. menghanyutkan yang tidak universal, mungkin hanya untukku. entah sihir apa yang ada dalam suaranya sehingga bisa begitu menghanyutkanku.

aku selalu senang bisa bicara dengannya, entah melalui telefon atau bicara face-to-face.

ah, semua tulisan ini membuatku ingin berbicara padamu sekarang. sebuah "halo" sudah cukup. aku rindu.


"aku pemerhati, loh" kataku. "aku juga," jawabnya, tidak mau kalah.

aku pemerhati, memang benar.
pemerhati yang tidak tahu darimana matahari terbit, dan terbenam,
tapi tahu betul gerak-gerik senyummu dan apa yang terdapat dibalik itu.

aku pemerhati,
yang tidak peduli langit cerah ataupun mendung,
tapi selalu tahu, apa kamu senang atau sedih.

aku pemerhati,
pemerhati yang tidak pernah memantau,
tapi untuk memantaumu semalaman pun, aku rela.

aku pemerhati,
yang tidak pernah sadar apakah bulan di langit sabit atau purnama,
aku juga penerhati,
yang tidak pernah sadar,
kalau selama ini aku hanya sebatas figuran di hidupmu.
yang tidak pernah lebih dari itu.

kamu pemerhati,
yang suka melihat langit, berkomentar tentangnya,
tapi tidak sekalipun berkomentar apakah aku cantik hari ini.

kamu pemerhati,
yang rajin menghitung bintang di tiap malam,
tapi kamu tidak pernah menghitung berapa kali aku harus merelakanmu yang main datang dan pergi.

kamu pemerhati,
yang rutin memerhatikan berapa derajat cuaca hari ini,
tapi tidak pernah memperhatikanku,

namun aku tetap menjadi pemerhati,


aku suka sepi yang kubagi denganmu.
aku suka dimana kita kehabisan kata-kata untuk saling bicara,
tapi tidak rela untuk saling meninggalkan.
sibuk dengan pemikiran masing-masing?
enggak. hanya diam saja.
aku suka dimana kita duduk diam,
enggak tahu mau ngapain.
nyaman rasanya berbagi sepi.

"sepi, ya. coba kamu di sini sekarang"


It’s time to be less afraid, because all those broken hearts only amount to as much as you allow them to. If you don’t Let Go of them now, let them fall to the ground and actually shatter the way they were supposed to before you so greedily scooped them back up and held them to your chest, you might miss out on love. So drop it now — your mistrustfulness, your obsessive, unhealthy relationship with your wounds — yes, it really is time to Let Go.

source: thought catalog // it's time to let go



you're not here
right now,
you're asleep
and I'm awake
and I miss you.
And I wish,
you weren't so far
but you are.

I think about you
too much.
And it's only
I've thought
about you
all along.

I need you,
to know
that I think
you're incredible.
 And I never
to hurt you.

I just wish, you
were with me
so I can
hear your voice,
and touch
your lips.

I'm sorry if
I'm weird
and maybe a little
But I'm jealous
of everyone who sees
all day.

It's late
I can't wait
until you say


I wanted to write something
that wasn't about you.
To remind myself,
that I don't think about you
or want you,
nearly as much as I think I do.
But I sat here for so long,
and all I realized,
was that I really do
want you,
as much as I think I do.


and it's this unexplained feeling,
the way you can open your skin,
and let the anger run from your veins,
fall to the floor in drops of sadness
that no one else understands.
It's numbing, and it's quiet,
but if the blood had a voice,
it would scream.



hi hows your day? mine? quite fine.

so, on april 13th my class did a yearbook photoshoot, it took place at a railway station in my city. wasn't that cooooool? no? okay. we got there around 1p.m and finished around 6.30p.m, man that was so exhausting. no kidding. and i couldn't stand the mosquitoes there too. ugh.

here are some of the photos thatve been taken by my friend's camera (and my iPhone as well) not the photographer's unfortunately

outside the railway station (the diagonal one was taken by Kak Seno)

the dawn clouds


envy me

i currently have an addiction to skull. yes, skull. who doesn't love skull anyway? you might hate school but NOT skull. most of the things i got for my birthday presents are skull stuff. here i let you see some of my collection. envy me.

IKEA's skull painting/frame/whatever, yay!!

EST's earrings 

if i told you i bought this for only 50k / $4.99 would you belive me?

EST's skull ring 

bought this from an online shop on Instagram 

me wearing my skull blouse. i catwanged my face because... just because

i really REALLY want to have a bedroom so i can decorate it with my own gothic-ish style. but i am currently living in an apartment so i'll just have to be patient. my last room's walls were black. aren't i cool? heheh :p xx


“but if you knew the things that were in my head most of the time, you'd know what it really meant.” —Charlie, The Perks of Being A Wallflower



went to Happy-go-Lucky last saturday after doing TOEFL and TOEIC tests, accompanied my fella bought this cute pair of shoes (the 1st photo is hers)

adorable, isn't it?

favorite part!


Murakami said

The ones who did it can always rationalize their actions
and even forget what they did.
They can turn away from things they don't want to see.
But the surviving victims can never forget.
They can't turn away

That's the world is, after all:
an endless battle of contrasting memories.



i know it's kinda late but better late than never, so HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE. hope you all have a great year

whoa? seriously it's 2013 already? time really flies. do you have any resolutions for this year?

i, of course, do. i mean, everyone probably has their own resolutions. about mine, these are my resolutions:

  • better than last year
  • be healthy (i'm the kind of person that easily get sick)
  • be grateful
  • get good scores and pass UN & other final examinations
  • get to go to fav senior high school
  • start collecting black stuff & skull stuff (theyre sooooo adorable ergh)
  • do as many DIYs (i'll post it here)
  • no heartbreaks of course :D
  • save moneeeey!! (this is a must)
  • listen to new musics
  • watch all the good movies in cinema
  • and many more
speaking about my holiday, it stinks. TOTALLY. i mean, i didn't even go anywhere else but PVJ. and i didn't even do anything productive. well, i studied a little for my tests. even though my holiday stinks, still i don't want it to come to an end. this is the last holiday i get before UN. OMG UN IS COMING. okay, calm down. phew. what i mostly did during my holiday was just reading, watching movies, tweeting, etc. i don't REALLY want to go to school, okay. during school days i must be stressed and frustrated because of the amount of homework that teachers give, is too damn high. i can't stand it. i often do my homework at school (hello, who doesn't?!) 

dear God can i just turn back time to the first day of holiday? no? well okay then i just gotta face this damn school thingy. dear holiday, i love you so much. i will always inpatiently wait to see you. mwah xoxo.